The Scariness of Our Shower Curtain – Zommy Diaries, Part 1

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Oh, Dear God, I’m exhausted. And it’s only Monday.

To clarify, it’s Monday-ish. Does 1:21am on Tuesday still qualify as Monday? Considering I haven’t slept yet, I will stand firmly by yes, yes it does.

I probably shouldn’t even be writing right now, but I feel called to write something. Anything. But on the off-chance that time-travel ever becomes possible, I hope my younger self can learn a few lessons decades earlier than I did the first time around.

Tonight was Girl Scout night, and as I watched my “Co-Leader” lead the meeting, I wondered, once again, “What the hell were you thinking when you signed up to lead a troop?” Oh yea. Your schedule was already beyond crazy, and you thought leading a troop would help you control when meetings were.

Co-Leader I am not, and I am not ashamed to admit that there was a (not-so) good 40-year year span in my life when I was a chronic over committer.

Well, crap. Let’s just make that 41..

Tonight I committed to play Barbie with Ms. N tomorrow for hours. Yes, I used the word “Hours.” I’m feeling Momma Guilt already for letting her down tomorrow after playing for 1/2 hour. There’s only so much roleplaying I can handle without needing to douse my head in tequila.

I mean, seriously… The girls say “Momma” so many times while referring to the “Mom” Barbie, that I get whiplash thinking they’re actually calling for me. Now I understand why my parents had my sisters and my Barbies locked in a back bedroom in our basement while we were growing up.

Going back to Scouts, however…

I’m fortunate to have a Co-Leader who can manage to find amaze-balls ideas for troop meetings while keeping her house perfectly clean AND homeschooling her daughter full-time.

Side note: While sitting on the toilet tonight, I wondered if we’ve ever washed the shower curtain.

It was hanging there when we moved into our house 7 years ago, and Lord knows how long it was hanging before that. I can only pray my husband has washed it without my knowing, because it will likely be another 7 years before I think about it again.

For tonight, however, I’m tortured by the realization that three kids were potty trained in that bathroom AND two boys hit puberty. I may just have to burn the curtain tomorrow, because now the thought of what’s on that curtain has me itching myself.

I’m sure Ms. Troop Leader’s shower curtain is laundered weekly or she has a glass door which is bleached after each use.

Note to self: Don’t tell her this site exists or there will be no chance in hell of her daughter ever being allowed to have a playdate with mine.

As if the promise of tomorrow’s Barbie date wasn’t enough…

I also committed to letting the girls do my makeup at some point tomorrow. Pray, please, that they will forget about this commitment despite having left their ENTIRE array of makeup across the dining table for me to admire.

My girls, “NA” and “ZQ” are ages 5 and 7. The last time I let them do my makeup I looked like the result of a one-night stand between a zombie and a hooker.

They wanted to do my makeup tonight after Girl Scouts, but considering I showered today, I wanted to give my husband at least one night without being scared by me in bed.

Unfortunately for him (but fortunate for me considering my state of exhaustion), it’s THAT time of the month and he really doesn’t need to be concerned with how I look/smell. Or… If he IS concerned, he knows better than to say anything.

I think it’s time for bed.

Stay tuned for the next dose of Zommy reality.

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I can’t sleep… Our shower curtain is haunting me. It has to be cleaned tomorrow. I wonder how many months it will take for husband to handle if I ask him to do it? Hmmmm….

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